Today, I managed to achieve the near impossible: I outlasted our Human Resources "advisors" and was actually able to hire the right person for the job. (Only those of us who work in government understand how daunting, how exhausting, how infuriating human resource staff can be, but I digress from the main topic of this post).
The connection between hiring this person and workplace bullies is that I am rescuing her from a little workplace tyrant / bully. Not that she is not a superb candidate (she is amazing!) and not that I do not need her skills desperately (which I do)... but more than that, I feel somewhat obligated to retrieve excellent people who are stuck in workplaces run by high-achieving dominatrices, who belittle, demean, "divide and conquer", cajole, over promise, and in a somewhat schizophrenic way scream at you one minute, and stroke your ego the next... a kind of "i love you, i love you not" affair that leaves you confused, demoralized and insecure. (But that is likely their plan!)
I have worked for such as these, both male and female. Sadly, it seems that this type of behaviour seems more female, not that there aren't male boss-hole bullies! It's just that the women seem to employ some of the more sneaky, grade school type of bullying. One would think that once you leave school, that everyone can be a "grown up" and treat one another with respect. One would think... but one would be wrong.
As a result of some unfortunate teen suicides recently, where bullying played a factor, there is a bit of a movement underway in my province to enact anti-bullying legislation. The pundits are out in force dissecting whether it will make things better or worse. Legislating will not, I'm afraid, change behaviour. It will take each and every person who feels even the remotest twinge of conscience to stand up against bullying behaviour, whenever and wherever they see it - school, work, playground, fancy parties, street corners, boardrooms.
I have personally left two jobs over the course of my career because of boss-hole tyrants. I should have had the guts to stand up to them and say: you cannot treat me or anyone else here like this. I should have said: when you gossip and slander my colleagues to me, I know you do the same with them about me. I should have said: your behaviour is disruptive and un-professional. I did not. And I am sorry. Because those wicked witches are still out there harming people psychologically, emotionally, spiritually.
The silent majority among us - those who have been bullied themselves, those who have watched bullying or know it is going on - we need to stand up and speak up.
This year, I promise to do better. I will NOT let bad behaviour go unremarked. I need to do more than rescue people after the fact, or listen and comfort those in the midst of terrible situations. I need to SAY something.
This year, 2012, I commit to doing better. I commit to speaking up against all forms of bullying.
Who's with me?
I can totally relate to having an office bully. Through their ridiculous behavior, they gain control over people's emotions when they feel they can't control their actions. Mine is a man though, so that creates a whole new set of issues. Especially because I am a young woman just starting her career, and hold little klout or authority in my environment.
ReplyDeleteI've heard this from other young women I've worked with. Because we're at the bottom of the totem pole, and also incredibly ambitious, we tend to tolerate and suffer silently as we're put down, manipulated, under-appreciated, berated... I could go on. Add to that the increasingly daunting job market and high unemployment rate in 20 somethings, and it makes it nearly impossible to feel powerful enough to stand up to people like that without a) making things worse or b) losing your job, livelihood, and setting your career back years.
So we "suck it up"; not because we should, but because we don't have a choice.