Yesterday, in a conversation with my sister (who, incidentally is 5 years my junior) I passed a comment that I did not think my children realized that I was in fact 53 years old. In my mind, this means that when they visit they are often puzzled (and likely irritated) by my need / desire to go to bed earlier than they, to minimize noise and chaos, and to turn the tv up a little when I am watching. I am sure all mothers go through this point - where adult children still think of you as "Momnipotent". My sister's response stunned me:
"If you would stop acting and looking like you were 33, then they might".
What the hell?
I know what she is referring to and it is mostly a reflection of her own personal baggage and bag of hammers that she endures. The fact is that I have always been high energy, EVEN when fibromyalgia had me in its relentless talons. My kids have never known me to "just sit" and there is not a person on this planet who would call me lazy. Don't get me wrong: I don't want a hero biscuit or lavish lauding because I happen to be the one who just gets it done.
Do I look like I'm 33? No. But having lost weight and maintained a regular workout regime, I am in the best shape I've been since before I had the afore-mentioned children. But the mirror doesn't lie, if you choose to really, honestly look at yourself. It's hard, actually, to honestly but compassionately look at your 53-year old body and take stock. When I was 33, there was nary a wrinkle, no chicken neck, no thinning skin. My skin was the envy of all - no wrinkles, supple and smooth as a newborn baby's bum. Alas, we mourn our perfect skin!
I look 53. I don't even mind looking 53, because I still know that I look good for 53. I feel great. One of the reasons I committed myself to myself re: diet and exercise was to ensure that I looked and felt great for many years to come. I want to be able to chase my grandchildren, play on the floor with them. I want to be able to hike up to Machu Picchu and walk all over ancient European towns. I am choosing to live fully.
As for acting 33? I doubt it. The things that were important for me at 33 no longer entice. I guard my free time religiously and spend it with those I care about, not those I feel obligated to or because our children happen to be friends. I love quiet evenings at home. I have taken up crocheting. My glasses are on a granny string around my neck. Yes, I facebook and skype and blackberry message people. Welcome to the new century!
In the end, perhaps others need to realize that age is a physical state.... but a physical state that is incredibly affected by mental outlook. I am embracing my middle years! I am choosing to enjoy them by being as healthy and active as I can be.
So there.
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